written during class, after a night of philosophical discussion with a new friend, october 15, 2002

mark
sometimes now
i'm amazed
at the power
you held
over me
power
- i know now -
i gave to you

now
that i have
my own power
now
that i am
in control
of my own life
making my own choices
even my mistakes
are my own
not -ours-
not -yours-
i see
what i gave you
what i lost
what i've now found
is actually
me

it's considered romantic
giving your self
to your lover
your partner
surrendering
losing yourself
in another
but this is
not love
not romance
not healthy

i used to write
poems about how
"i wouldn't have been me
without you"
and about how
you saved me
from myself

now i know
that who i am
has nothing to do
with anyone
but me

my lovers can
influence me
to the extent
that i give them
permission
power
to do so
but they cannot
change who i am

only i can
change
me
only i can
control
me
only i can
be
me

and only now
that i truly
love
me
can they

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