this piece was written on july 2, 2004. it had been brewing for a few weeks.

here i am.

i'm not your
media darling
not your stick-thin
blank-eyed
supermodel

i shaved my head
this year
what a difference!
my soft, fuzzy head
feels so great
and
changes what i see
in the mirror
and
what they see
when they
look at me

i'm a
fat
yes i am a
fat
queer
woman
and i
shave my head
but
not my legs
i
have big hips
and

big tits
and i
don't enclose them
in an elastic-and-wire
cage
they are
free
and they
sway
bounce
shake
but that's
not
an invitation
to grab them
or to leer
mr. man
it's just
not okay with me
to pretend they're some
perky
pointy
"perfect"
ornament
they are perfect
with their
sag
and their
stretch marks
and their
nipples
that point at the earth

i don't care
if my belly shows
above my jeans
below my shirts
it happened once
out dancing with friends
and one said to me
"weren't you so
embarrassed?"
fuck, no.
this is me, my body
and i think
i'm beautiful
and my lovers think
i'm beautiful
why would i care
about what anyone
else
thinks?

here i am.

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